Sunday, June 12, 2011

Meeting my old flame...

Travelling that is...been about three years but it feels like a decade. Sure, local trips were here and there but the sojourning-alone, in the world's metropolitans, ala-J.R (Jose Rizal...happy independence by the way, June 12, 2011, and we still continue believing we're free!), brazing the new world to see things differently, appreciating your own but dying with envy because you realize what should've been but could not--- was sorely missed. It was a rekindling of an old flame, it was remembering and then enjoying the unexpected, the personal discoveries, hearing yourself more, doing without thinking and holding only yourself responsible.

Because I want to remember everything, here goes:

- At NAIA 1, leaving for Singapore, as almost all feel just a little, I once more was faced with how oppressive the system is to our so-called "modern day heroes". They leave the country with hopes and dreams of a better life, to send money to their motherland, to sustain it, nourish it, keep it at par with its mahjong mates...but how does the beloved parent bid them farewell...without even a wave of a hand or a flying kiss!

- That white immigration card, smaller than the one-fourth sheets of paper you would have quizzes in college and high school in, might as well be an application form in heaven...an obituary for some.

- I kept overhearing from some, should they put "leisure", should they write their Tita's address, who they'll sleep with but doesn't have a "full-contract", what if immigration finds out? What if more papers are asked?

- Whether they travel for leisure or work, the system has created a mentality where those "officers" who stamp and stomp your passport (which you also had to go through the fifth circle of hell for, thank God for that magic wand!) believe they are the chosen ones and that their stinky feet need to be cleaned and kissed before entering the forbidden gates of immigration. They feed on this mentality by acting like they never beat a red light or jaywalked!

- A rebel without a cause, I used a purple pen. Actually I gave my passport first and told them that I was just starting the form when I presented my honorable self. I lavished at their surprise and allowed them to lightly reprimand me.

- After writing what they felt they needed to know, I made sure I put UNIVERSITY LECTURER and proudly said I was from a school most of them cannot even send their kids to! Suddenly they were being friendly and patronizing, if only I could tell all those filing that white card to write UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR WITH TENURE!

- While Filipinos are citizens of the globe and the world is their home, some just continue being unfriendly travel mates. They don't smile, they push their way in embarkation lines, if only they could dive to the door upon touch down, they will.

- Yes, Singapore definitely continues to struggle with its lack of indigenous heritage. But Southeast Asians could only thank this "fine" city for divorcing Malaysia to build an empire of its own because its the only place in the region trusted by Vincent Van Gogh and Salvador Dali to live in. It makes up for its "humble origins" by proudly securing its place in the future...the first place trophy for "future culture" is practically theirs, they even beat the aliens to it, they know it will be theirs in time.

- Singaporean culture and society is a maze of pre-war modernity and 21st century sophisticated sculptures. Its pride and joy is the sincere harmony of various aliens, thanks to its government's mandate of order and the people's unending needs. Much has been written about its attempt to showcase art for the soul while leaving much for the soul to long for.

- On the Dali Exhibition in the ArtScience museum: How I envy its project manager! With Dali, you don't need to put too much thought on the science of curatorship. Dali spaced his life and works knowing it will make people's jobs easier in the future. You simply need to make a space as empty as possible to throw in his creations, nothing much to it. Who can make Dali more interesting than he already is, or who would even attempt to?

- So the elevated hyper-staged ordinary white furnite a top Dali's material culture elements is worth a standing ovation. To the project manager: You spoke to Dali, he replied and you were enlightened!

-Thank you Dali for not leaving the world guessing what your religion is. If there is anything I have which I know you would have given all your talent for, its my child.

- So here is my message to you, sorry Mr. Salvador for not using twitter: I felt your pain instantly with the "manananggal and her unhatched egg" sculpture! In your honor, I made my child a pendant with her birthday in the clock. I will put it in her scrap book and name it, "Dali-dalian mong tumino". You continue to live you and you live through us, thanks for not giving up on lunacy unlike your friend downstairs.

- On the Van Gogh display: I wouldn't want to be the project manager of this. Van Gogh is the most bastardized artist on earth. From do it yourself Van Goghs for all ages, to planners, calendars, coasters, blankets, place mats etc. with those famous sunflowers, how else can Van Gogh be seen beyond that? Thanks to light art, we see Van Gogh stretched beyond our imagination, literally.

- The title should've been "In your Face Van Gogh". It was a judicious use of space and time. From the all too familiar miniature and unjustly cropped familiar images, the hall transformed us into a mere smear in his landscape, we felt his strokes at arm's length and became part of them. Kudos for not only saving an awful lot for installation materials, manpower in the ground, maintenance fee, but for making everybody feel how little they are in Van Gogh's world rather than the other way around. Double kudos for making people realize that Van Gogh is more than just sunflowers, a starry starry night and a mutilated ear.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Vapor-like

Went to a vacation house in the mountains with friends
Had plane tickets to go some where from there
As I was getting comfortable on the couch
I noticed a floating island outside
The island was made of plastic floaters with colors only toddlers can love
I wonder whether it was this floating island
that I was supposed to fly to

Suddenly a tsunami
Water outside was seeping in the house
It could possibly sink us
The island of plastic was floating toward us
I opened the door and desperately pushed those floaters away
Thank God it sailed out

Then I called the airline to tell them that I couldn't leave the house
I was concerned that I would miss my flight
I ask those around me if they knew of other ways for me to get out

We realized that nobody was going anywhere
There was an aroma of an impending doom
As men in military camouflage circled in
They raised their artillery and fired in unison

All fell dead
I was a quarter alive
It was important to hang on
But I needed to act dead

I had to try to live while looking dead

But I failed
Some woman noticed the life in me
She wasn't happy with it
She dragged my body across the room
As I felt the weight of my body scratching the floor
I fainted

ix-03-08

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Can it never end please...

I feel like a bee that has sucked a newly sprouted flower.

The U.P. Vargas Museum's interesting Ptyk by Nonoy Marcelo...political comics, satire and visions...

Curry for lunch, served efficiently on time for Mama Mia...

July 12, a day before Tito Vic's birthday anniversary...God Bless His Soul...

Weather wasn't too bad...

Everybody was in kind and patient spirits...the night had a special twinkle...our organs were cooperative...

The next day, on time for Sunday Mass...

Bordertown was on when we woke up after the afternoon nap...

Then vip tickets for Dark Knight tomorrow...

I feel there's more openness now, more acceptance and more accommodation toward each other...I hope it would never end...

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Pamamanhikan

Two weeks before this day, there was a bit of a ruckus because of some tradition mama mentioned about the bride to be. "Sa iba nga may pamahiin na bawal magbuhat ang babae kahit kutsara." Because I felt bitchy that time, I just had to tell it to Nico. Somehow I think now is not the right time to conceal all the nasty things that may happen in the future so while it's still early, better to torture him in the flames. That was bad...but Nico is just the most understanding and mature person on earth when it comes to things like this...I even think his maturity is gone unnoticed by many but anyways, we got through that.

Just yesterday, there was another episode of dramatics that went on about the budget for this day and some extra mouths to feed...the emotional argument and the McDonalds McChicken Nuggets Meal for two with extra large fries each soothed my aching anger but proved futile as the people concerned didn't even manage to make it.

Anyway...I thought I was the one most excited, anxious, nervous and just plain panic-stricken about this day. Frankly, I think pamamanhikans are the most underrated events in the world!!! Imagine two families who've never met before, who have no obligation to be nice to each other...meet for the first time and see, judge and feel each others company...then, for the sake of their family members, they are forced to like just a little bit each and every family member as it will spell the start of their bond forever in time...through hardships and celebrations...

Thank God though I was wrong about being the only one bothered about the whole thing. Nico was apparently too nervous as well which was why he asked that we go out for breakfast, visit a gallery, have lunch and watch a movie (Mama Mia...how perfect and effective it was!) before the BIG DINNER BASH.

Before Nico fetched me, my parents were up at around 4:00 in the morning already. When I got up, I saw embroidered table cloths, our fancy plates and cups, paired spoons and forks and our Teflon dish trays all out to dry. The chairs were lined up around the prolific wooden dinner table...the floor spic and span...the rugs and sofas vacuumed...looks like they wanted to make a good impression as well...it was flattering but at the same time, still nerve-wracking!

I got a call from Ate Byang that she can't make it. I have a feeling Conrad has something to do with it. But I just pushed it off at the back of my mind lest I ruin my day!

And then 6:00 a.m. started...now...I am still contemplating how it went and if it was really successful. When I see Nico for breakfast tomorrow, I'll know...

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Qualifying Exams April 15 to 16 2008

Here are some notes of experience kept for posterity to be referred in the future:

1) It really helps if the books that need to be assessed are read, re-read, outlined, reviewed, tabulated (for the salient points) then listed (specific examples). This is a must because once the main points are memorized, much should still be said beyond the mere words that have to be associated with the book/work.

2) Constant reading of different materials is a full-time job, there should be no compromises!!! I must always have a book a week at least and must take note of the important points, parts or ideas of the book. If I cannot write on the book, I should diligently look for a post-it to write on at the front part of the book so I can collate all my ideas in the end.

3) I started my memorization and mastery of works one week before I took my qualifying exams, but this is just for a one-day test. The test that I took for the second day would be 30% of lesser caliber only because I was too exhausted and fed up with the whole thing already. One month of memorization would give me more peace of mind.

4) I shouldn't let sloth get the better of me! No matter how stupid it feels answering questions given in previous examinations...I should still do it, even if it means lesser hours of sleep. I did this exercise for the first day exam but not for the second day. I will heavily pay the price for that one. Doing this will help me determine how much I can write given the time constraint. For the first day I realized that I had to forgo mentioning some things and that took me some minutes, which was such a waste. There's really so much that you can compose, type and edit in a day so I should be aware of my limitations on that.

5) Pray, pray, pray...for whatever it's worth this really kept my sanity.

Now, I'm clenching my bones for two agonizing weeks...Panginoon, tulungan po sana ninyo ako!!!

Examples of the questions:

1) There are various paradigms used in Philippine Studies. Explain these paradigms in the context of identity, class, state governance, national formation. Enumerate the books, articles or works that have contributed to these fields.

2) Explain an approach used in Philippine Studies and state why it is so.

3) In light of the ZTE-NBN deal, explain these statements in the context of your study in the Philippine Studies Program: "moderate your greed", "bubukol ito" (plus another metaphor that escapes me now). What is the position of the Philippines in terms of patrimony (and there's another term that they used, argh! I need to take those gingko bilboba pills soon) in the context of the current global order.

4) How multidisciplinary is your research proposal?

5) The more elementary questions are: What is the importance of a theoretical framework? What is the purpose of having a review of literature in the beginning of one's research? What are the ethical issues in research?

Sunday, March 02, 2008

a love-hate relationship with theater

I am tremendously enjoying my one minute appearance in Pygmalion. So far, I've done two shows and have one last on Tuesday. I adore the people, they're nothing but angels released from heaven. I'm learning abundantly from the students, more than what I've taught them. I'm getting to catch up with long-time friends I've had no contact with...it's addicting, it's electrifying and it's hard to let go...which is why I hate it just the same.

A theater production has a way of organically creating a force field around it, among its people, its set, when call time starts and when company call ends. There seems to be an awful amount of obsession that it gives to people. Sometimes, when people allow themselves to be drawn too much, it may work to their disadvantage in the end...

The last time I've been involved was three years ago, for Clytemnestra. I even have this blog to look back to. This time, some generous people have worked on a schedule and spoiled me to death just so I can jump on the boat...

Its effect has been enormous! My schedule's been messed up, I'm lagging behind more with my paper deadlines for UP, my reading has been slow and things seem to be getting complicated...but somehow, my involvement here gives me some sort of solace that I'm doing something I love...but reality is...even if I admit I can never get over how great it feels to be part of a team especially with this last production...I'm slowly accepting that I can't have it all.

Edzon and I just worked on a "project" in anticipation of a bigger "project"...that was my excuse for dilly-dallying last February, this March, this play seems to be my excuse...it has to stop...but I have no clue how to start stopping...

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

The two years that were...

I am painfully and vaguely remembering what happened to me in the past two years...2006 marks my student ID number 2006-78173. By June I began immersing my senses to the very delectable books I was only then introduced to. Thank God for that year! No wonder I have very few pictures in my multiply site. Since then, I've realized how little I know and how much I've been left behind...especially after watching Proof thanks to Tricia's thumbs up recommendation. At this moment I feel like life has just passed me by and I'm only starting to live it now! Pathetic for a 26 turning 27 year old...if only the younger ones know how much they're missing...Before going to school, I learned to paint in May. Have been in a depressing hiatus in that aspect but I hope that gets awakened pretty soon.

During the semestral break, was blessed to travel to Siem Reap and Ho Chi Minh with friends...

Then November 4...V for Vendetta...V for Vieux Chalet...my life will be set for another chapter in 2009!

At the end of the year, went with family and friends to Sagada...

This school year was very challenging, mentally and emotionally. I guess if they say "6" is the number of the devil, I faced my demons this year...still keeps haunting me and I just pray that it leaves me in peace someday...

2007

Early this year, Tito Jun passed away...tragic day for the family but only in the most testing times can real bonds be cohesively fortified. If we didn't have each other, we wouldn't have been able to realize the thin thread that grips on life and the love that steadily gives it hope.

Over the summer, I visited Kibungan, did preliminary research and whetted my appetite to further progress and enliven Philippine Studies! Unfortunately, I think I'm not doing enough given the tons of backlog still awaiting submission...

Late November was another bonus, packaged in adventures to the land of Phil the Phoenix, meeting people from different backgrounds who make humanistic pursuits more inspiring and another week-long love affair in Sydney, the most beautiful city in the world for me!

The goal for 2008 is to to settle some things and industriously continue other obligations like I've never before done in my life!