one of those days...you realize...thank God!

Woke up in denial. Wondered why it took so much effort to convince myself that the lights are on and breakfast is ready when I took my vitamins the night before. This usually makes the mornings easier and the day less hard. Finally got up, knew at once i'll be wearing something warm for school when i tried reaching out for the nearest clothing to comfort my freezing shoulders. Eating went well, opted for hot lemonade rather than the usual cold drink, coffee was much too strong, just wanted hot water. The drink worked well for my dry throat, i think the drop in temperature froze my throat, now it feels like I have a furball stuck in my throat that scratches itself everytime I cough it out.

Thanks to the lemonade the icy water from the shower didn't make me jump up and down to invest on energy to produce heat. Used the sunsilk shampoo I bought last weekend, my hair wasn't perfect yesterday but it might work today. Darn! Just remembered what the fab five guy said, you didn't have to shampoo everyday, should remember this tomorrow I guess.

Got out of the shower, as usual, its when I look my best, if only i could look this way the whole day! Did the usual routine, moisturizer, concealer, transluscent powder, deodorant to let the make-up settle down, eye make-up then.......FIVE MORE MINUTES! Just got Nico's text, he's leaving to fetch me.

He'll be with his usual entourage, the mom next to him and his sister who only rides until the shuttle service station. Got to do everything I need, dress up, got the purple turtle neck shirt I wanted, the pants weren't bad, found the purple bracelet at once, had no trouble wearing it, ring, earrings...what shoes? Boots...wasted five seconds looking for my socks, papa changed the arrangement again, they were at the next shelf...managed to put on foot powder, drank my medicine, got to do everything, didn't forget anything...perfect!

Then i heard Nico's white pick-up truck.

Bid goodmoring to his mom, to his sister then calmed myself, i looked fine, could last the day. All's good...track 11 simple things by usher in the cd we bought from those tiangge stalls in ortigas played on the radio the moment Nico turned it on. Love it, love it, love it..."its the simple things in life we forget, you hear her talking but don't hear what she says, why do you make something so easy so complicated, searching for what's right in front of your face"...haven't seen the mtv but i'm sure i'd love it. Don't need to know nor listen to the rest of the lyrics, the chorus says it all...tried dozing off to dreamland when BOOM!!!!! Something despicable, totally unexpected and gruesomely annoying happened!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The brakes were forced to the ground, we almost hit a trike, it got in the road that was supposed to be one way, our way. Nico blew his top off, the driver answered back like a bird about to be slung shot. It got him more furious, Nico answered back. Then my day was ruined!!!!!

Tears welled in my eyes, maybe now I know why I haven't finally and outrightly decided that we must get married within several months of preparation...i'm not ready for this one yet. I'm not ready yet to have a husband and to live with a father who might be the reason for my death or my children's injuries because of road rage! It's too much for me to bare. I honestly think I could take infidelity once, learned from, suffered from, fought from then vowed never to be repeated again than this!!!!!!!! I think I could take couch potatoes or basketball addicts more, I think I can easily bare him spending late nights with friends more often than with me MORE THAN THIS!!!!! Should it really be this hard? Is this the best that I can do? Is this what I should take for all his honesty, sincerity, loyalty and love? This isn't domestic violence, nor is this martyrdom, I don't know why when this happens the only think that I feel for him is hate! I have his being for its potential to be so hateful and obnoxious! Its disgusting! If I were some uneducated, uncultured whore, I should take it, but I'm not and I can't, I won't!!! These things are uncompromisable, just non-negotiatable!

The mom got off, i transferred to the shotgun side. Had nothing more to say...darn that red light for showing up when I just wanted to get off at once! Said bye, didn't look him in the eye, tried dozing off in school to make up for not getting much and the stress I got from this morning's inferno!

This is one of those days where I am once again made aware of why I am in that stage in my life yet and haven't moved on, still need to accept this...still need to convince myself of the many things i'll be checking in when I decide to finally move to another part of this world's life-stage.